Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Adjustment

Well, we are almost a month into our little cohabitation arrangement with our in laws and so far it seems to be going well. Even though there have been a few comments made that lead me to believe that my father in law would most likely not approve of some of my ideals. Oh well, he is older and set in his ways and it isn't my job to change his mind.

We have noticed a visible division of the family. There is already talk of who is spending time with whom on thanksgiving. I get to thank my lovely mother in law for that one. She is even trying to micro manage our holiday in spite of not being there by telling us that fil should pick up the transportation challenged brothers in law. I am sure you can imagine how that went over with my independent "grizzly Adams" fil, he wasn't going to be told what to do, least of all by the woman he divorced thirty years ago! Makes me grateful that Mr Poly and I get along so well!

So who knows where this leaves us as far as poly, its not something I am really focussing on right now as I am more intent on a harmonious household. This is a nice experiment on communal living, and it is nice having another woman around to shop with and share in some of the household responsibilities. So I guess in some way, you could call this a time of training, lol. I am definitely learning to share my kitchen! ;)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Murphy's law of poly

Well, it looks as if I jumped the gun and made much ado about nothing. The lovely lady we were getting to know seems to have had a change of heart. I think she may have had doubts that she wasn't voicing to either of us all along. But that's just a hunch.

We were going strong, talking every day for pretty much all day long. The last time we spoke she ended the conversation by asking a good time for her to call the next day, then out of nowhere she just dropped off the planet. No calls, no texts, not even a friendly poke on Facebook.

As disappointing as it is, it was definitely better for it to happen now than later on when we were even more emotionally invested. It also solves the awkward timing problem that I mentioned earlier with the in laws.

Perhaps next time I will just keep my excitement under wraps until I am sure that everyone is on the same page :(

Monday, October 24, 2011

Lovely chaos

There is some news around here. My in laws have moved in with us. Now before you all cringe at the thought of your in laws living with you, I want to assure you that this is a positive thing.

A little history first, Mr Poly's parents are divorced. They do not get along at all. We moved here ten years ago to be closer to his mother, thinking that she would appreciate having family around her for holidays and birthdays and that our children would get to know more of their family. Sadly, this was not the case. In the ten years we have been here, we learned that family bonds were not that important to her and she really wasn't fond of being inconvenienced by grandchildren. So after watching Mr Poly get his hoes of a close family shattered year after year by her I had pretty much given up on her entirely.

Now my father in law is completely the opposite. He has always valued family bonds but has always had jobs that moved him around so he was never able to stay in one place for very long. Now he is retired and ready to put down some roots and be close to family again. I love the idea that my kids are going to be learning valuable life skills from the same man that Mr Poly learned from and that they will never question that they have family that loves and values them (besides us, of course). That right there makes any adjustments we will have to make totally worth it!

Now for our other news, we have met someone special. While it's way to early to know how it's all going to turn out, the three of us are really enjoying getting to know one another and are very excited by the possibilities. It couldn't have happened at a more awkward time, my fil knows that we aren't the most conservative couple on the planet, but I am not sure he is prepared for how different we really are.

This could get interesting!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Frustrated but not hopeless

Once again, Mr Poly and I are sailing troubled waters. We have been down this road before, no relationship is perfect, but I can't help thinking that it's redundant that we haven't learned how to avoid this. There's nothing terribly wrong, we are just snippy with one another lately. It usually seems to happen around this time of the year when our bills get ridiculous, I get stressed out preparing for the coming school year and Mr Poly gets to the point where he is itching for some time off but can't take it because it's the "busy season" and he is literally the only one that knows how to do his job.
I know, "This too shall pass."
For several years, this phenomena has caused so much doubt within me that I always back pedal in my poly beliefs. The little voice in my head says "See, your relationship isn't exempt from heartache" or "if you were feeling this way it would really upset you if he had someone else to turn to" and I throw up my hands and swear that I am done hoping to find someone to share our lives with. After all, if one partner makes me this nuts, I can imagine the tailspin two would send me into! Then a few months later when it has all blown over and Mr Poly and I are enjoying harmonious wedded bliss I begin entertaining the thought again.
This year seems a bit different. I have faith that we will weather the storm, and so I am not letting it affect the rest of my life the way it has in the past. It is frustrating, even annoying but I know that our relationship is bigger than the petty differences that we roll our eyes at. So I continue to approach what comes with an open heart and an open mind :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Poly thoughts

It's been a long summer, I say that every year because the summers in Arizona are absolutely brutal. I am looking forward to fall weather, comfort foods, and even the holidays. Long hours indoors have made me a bit introspective. Thinking about this "crazy" idea called poly and what it might mean for us as a family. I am not naive enough to believe that it will all be lollipops and rainbows, and that there is a very real possibility that there will be a fallout, but deep down I believe that the positives outweigh the negatives in this situation.
I also think about how we present ourselves to people we tell about our poly leanings. Except for a very few individuals we are pretty open about it, and people are genuinely curious about it. For the most part I haven't had many negative responses about it (although I totally see that this might change when there are more people involved in our relationship) but I do catch myself at times sugarcoating our situation to those that we might consider having a relationship with. If it's a woman or a couple that I/He/We are interested in getting to know better, all of a sudden the kids that drive me crazy are our "beautiful children", the financial issues that stress me out at night turn into "we do struggle from time to time but somehow we make ends meet", my cluttered little house becomes "cozy", and my sometimes insanely hectic schedule of taxiing everyone around here and there is just me being "busy".
Why do I do that? I realize anyone even considering any kind of friendship or more deserves complete disclosure on what they might have to deal with should they choose to spend time with me. I also realize that they only need ten minutes with me to realize most of these things are more often than not a major pain in the rear. I do try to be more genuine, it helps that I am getting out more and considering more people from my personal network of friends but I wish it were easier.
Maybe I just care too much about what others think of me.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Back from my haitus

Well, it has taken a while, and a lot has gone on with my life. Some poly related, most of it not. Had some medical issues with my spine (due to an unchecked injury from a very long time ago) that has made it difficult to sit for any long periods of time. So blogging has fallen by the wayside. But I am back :)

Mr. Poly and I are good. Plugging away like every other couple. Still talking a lot which makes me happy. There have even been a few stirrings on the poly front, but I am reluctant to get too excited. We both want to give it time to grow on it's own, before we get too enthusiastic and try to push things. Which leads me to a revelation.

In the past, if there was someone that one or both of us were interested in. We would get very excited at the very beginning, and then spend a lot of time trying to find out what the other person's (or couple's) flaws were. We were so ingrained to believe that no one was out there that was truly interested in a couple that we automatically came to the conclusion that anyone who said they were either had an agenda or there was something else wrong. So we are learning to take people at face value and let the chips fall where they may. I realize this is opening ourselves up to potential hurt but the best things in life come from the biggest risks.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

More Communication

And so we continue to plug away, dealing with holidays and family drama, yet Mr Poly and I talk, talk, talk. I love it. We have both grown and learned so much about one another over the last few weeks, that it made me wonder how it was possible after sixteen years of living together.

I think a big part of it, is that I am reaching out to new friendships. For many years early in our relationship, Mr Poly was my connection to the outside world. We moved a lot, so I never invested in new friendships. I would have to pull up my stakes before long and start all over so what was the point? So, I was the bored housewife, sitting at home raising babies, holding my breath until he walked through the door so I could once again have some adult conversation. I have to say, the quickest way to make someone resent you is to make them your EVERYTHING! While Mr Poly appreciated the fact that I loved him and craved his company, he began to feel responsible for my happiness. Not a good thing!

There was a period in our marriage where I admit that he probably wished I would go find a hobby so he could find some peace. I didn't understand why he wanted to run off and play golf all day on Saturday because he spent the week away from the family. But now I realize that the tighter I held onto him, the more I pushed him out that door.

Now it's a totally different dilemma, My kids are older, I am venturing out and finding my bliss again. The things I want to do with my time, stuff I want to learn, friendships that I want to build. He's having to adjust to my Independence, not being my only source of conversation. who knew that this would make our time together sweeter, we suddenly have new things to say to one another, more than what the kids are up to or what the neighbors have done. We are truly sharing what we love and that is awesome.

It's also helping us to understand one another's needs in this poly journey as well. I am starting to understand that this is something he wants to share and explore with me. He understands that this is a part of me that I have let lie dormant for a very long time. Instead of being threatened when I meet someone new (as was his first instinct, a few years ago). He's supportive, and hopeful for me. Life is wonderful!